Sooner than later one’s value system will collide with one’s job. This would lead to yet another ‘tear’, yet another ‘split’. You’ll feel torn. One of the ways to somewhat address this is to know yourself, where you stand, what are your values, what matters to you and why. When, why and with what you are willing to compromise and when you won’t.

I’ve spent most of my career believing that my job was never just a job. It was more than putting food on the table and paying the bills. The company was a family, my colleagues were my friends & etc. I did not follow most of what I’ve shared here. On the contrary, I cared a lot, poured a lot of efforts, put my heart into what I did. I became the SME, the go-to-person, the doer, the one who always went “above and beyond” and did the “extra mile”. That somewhat worked for me. It stopped working when I got overwhelmed, underappreciated, ignored. Something like a commodity. I could not bring myself to quit because “we are family” right? Family rides together through hard times. I did overstay my welcome and believed that only if I try harder I can change things for the better. Things that were not under my control. That hope completely crashed when I saw how people complain and bitch about whatever and when you stand for them, they suddenly become silent. So much for one for all and all for one. It was sort of fun though. As fun as it was that eventually lead to a severe burnout. It took few years to happen. It almost made me a highly selfish asshole, i.e. the precise thing I’ve promised myself never to become. I had to re-evaluate what I believed in, what worked for me and what didn’t. To answer a thousand questions and figure out where I stand, what are my values and why. I forced myself to face what I did not want to – being disillusioned. But hey – that’s how things are. The hopefulness of the youth (not as an age, but as a mindset) eventually gets shattered by the hard reality regardless what stories we tell one another. Saddest part > it is exceedingly rare for people to really care about one another. Workwise and otherwise. Be cautions and share yourself only when this works for you. We are no saviours, no knights, ninjas, warriors or any other of that stuff. It would have been great if we were, but we aren’t. Save yourself the needless trouble. There’s nothing in it.

The following is my takeaway from 20 years of work experience. It should provide you with an idea how to start a self-exploring journey within this context. I know how cynical and stoic-like some of the things may sound. That’s how things are. Disillusionment is inevitable, part of life. Hope it helps.

Last but not least – question and challenge each one of the items. Do not take them as something universal. Our chains-of-meaning are unique. See how they (don’t) fit within your value system, if at all.

Know what is under your control

One of the primary causes of burnout happens when people care dearly for the outcome but the outcome is not under their control. The rule of thumb > if you cannot control the outcome then you should be exceedingly careful how much time, effort, attention and feelings you pour in. This will save you a lot of trouble along the way. Feel free to experiment but IMHO this is one of the few things that don’t need experimentation, just as you don’t need to empirically check what would happen if you jump from the 10th floor.

Do the best you can to get the job done

Literally. One day you’ll feel great, another you won’t. Do your best either day to get the job done. Motivated or not, excited or not. Sometimes you’ll be able to accomplish a lot, sometimes not. In either case do your best. Do so irrespectively of how much you care or don’t.

Attention & Interruptions

Attention is the scarcest “resource”. One can pay attention for only so much with only so much quality. Don’t break anyone’s attention unless you really have to or you are welcomed to. Just don’t. Rule of thumb is that if you have a question – search for the answer for a day. If you can’t find it – then ask. Ideally compile a list of questions and then approach somebody.

When you work – work. Do not break your attention and focus, do not distract yourself. Trust your brain when it needs a distraction it will tell you. Until that moment comes focus and hold your attention.

Learn all the time, go after the hard problems

Learn from anything, anyone and everything. Don’t wait to be taught or pampered. Even if you feel confused, not sure from where to start or thing seem “pointless” – there’s a tone to learn. Learning is play and play is good. Always volunteer to go after the hard problems. The more ambiguous they are the more eager to solve them you should be. Advancement happens on the fringe.

Do the job you are paid to do

It is easy to stop paying focus on what you are hired to do. Don’t go astray. If you are a developer, be a developer. If you are a people manager, be a people manager. This does not mean you shouldn’t propose solutions to issues outside of your area, it means that you should not make that your primary objective.

Quality

Learn what Quality means to both you and the business context you are in. Few do it, more must.

Quality of time

Nobody (in his right mind) cares how many hours you put in. What matters is the outcome, the value delivered. It is not about the hours alone. It is about the Quality and value those hours morph into. When you work – work, when you don’t – don’t. Keeping busy is pathetic.

Share your mistakes

You’ve made a mistake? Share it! Talk about it. Sound the alarm. Be responsible and accountable for it. Never ignore it, do not shove it under the carpet. One of the reasons for failing businesses are people who hide their mistakes until it becomes too late. Accept the fact that everybody fucks up from time to time and mistakes are part of the learning process. Everybody makes them, few are mature enough to share, accept and talk about them. Doing this will help others to avoid making the same mistake in the same way. Making the same mistake in a new way is great though.

Doing anything extra

It is up to you to decide if you should do anything outside your job description. My suggestion is to avoid doing that but if you do it anyway – don’t have any illusions and do not expect anything in return. Be very careful if you turn into the go-to person. Tread carefully.

Be as loyal as your contract

Literally. You should be as loyal as your contract goes. You don’t own more and more is not owned to you. If you decide to go samurai loyal style or play the ‘white knight’ remember that neither samurais nor knights were as loyal as they were depicted. This will save you needless dilemmas like to where one’s loyalty should reach, what loyalty means in a business context & etc. Never ever forget that even people who are supposed to support one another (family, friends) have a very different interpretations of this word, especially when it comes to actions (that lead to sacrifices). For all practical purposes consider the fact that loyalty tends to be the means to express that two (or more) parties still have mutually beneficial interests without any “extra miles”.

Like it or not you are a working bee, an employee, a.k.a “a team mate”, an entrepreneur with a single and sole customer. As great as things could be tomorrow the “leadership” will change, the business could go down, you’ll grow older and nobody is going to appreciate and reimburse you for your misplaced loyalty. On the contrary, most likely you’ll feel cheated. Save yourself the trouble. Be pragmatic. Or don’t. Be masochistic if you like. Up to you.

Communication

Most issues arise from bad communication. Invest in yourself by attending a Communication Skills training or just learn what communication means, implies, is. Being understood the way you meant to be and understanding others the way they were meant to be understood is the key. Pay special attention to the culture of on-line communication for this is one of the things that most people suck at.

Meaning

It is up to you to determine what meaning you put into the job. Do you look on it as the best hours of the day during which you wish to do something that matters to you? Are you living to work or work for a living? Do you see yourself as artist and the job as the means to express your creative urges? Do you really care or is it just a job? Is your work just the means to finance your other interests or is it something more? Figure this out and have in mind that whatever you come out with will change along the way.

Try harder

Try harder only when the outcome is under your control. If it is not – try few times (no more than 3) and then move on. Being stubborn when you can’t control the outcome would lead to burnout. Even if you succeed (once or twice) that would be by chance, not because of your persistence.

Overtime

Overtime is worth only what you get out of it. Do it if you feel like it, don’t if you don’t. In either case do not ever expect anything in return. Rule of thumb is to avoid overtime. Overtime leads to overwork and overwork leads to mistakes and burnout. This does not mean not to work extra if you have nothing better to do. It means you should wonder why you don’t have anything better to do…

Corporate propaganda

Disregard it. At all levels. You’ll be radiated with pep and hype talks. How great things are, how everything is peachy but more is needed. Forget the “We are a family” crap. Unless you work for a family business or with friends – there’s no family nor friends. Just a loose group of people who work together towards a common goal. Nothing more and nothing less. Exceptions are just that – exceptions, don’t count on them but be happy if you are within an exception.

Appreciation and recognition

Working for a business is a business transaction. In exchange of your time, attention, expertise, skills, knowledge, practice – you earn your pay by delivering value. If more is demanded – more must be paid. It’s nice when you hear “Great job!” but even a dog needs a treat. Positive reinforcement goes through the $ (not always but that’s another matter). Don’t work for glory and fame. If you wish that – become a volunteer. Wanting and demanding fair reimbursement is not something to be ashamed from. It does not make you greedy but rather pragmatic.

You are of diminishing value

You best years, workwise, are between early 20s until late 50s. Afterwards, unless you have some unique skills set in high demand – your value is going to plunge. Never ever forget this. Ageism is inevitable.

Feedback

Avoid providing unwanted feedback. Provide one when asked to. Let others decide if they feel the need of feedback. This does not mean to ignore obvious issues and get into silent mode. Just don’t be naïve about it.

Seek feedback, ask for suggestions, advises. Ask your “superiors” and peers how you are doing according to them. What gaps they feel you have, where you totally suck and where you exceed. Learn to love the negative feedback. Even if you don’t rest assured – most likely you’re very good at somethings and total baby in others. The eye cannot see itself, hence feedback from colleagues is invaluable.

Empathy

Establish hard limits around your empathy. It’s one thing to provide a crying shoulder it’s another to be used by someone who would never reciprocate. Never, ever forget that empathy is a two-edged sword. It is the means to provide support for another, not to suffer one’s pain. Rest assured in a business environment there are those that love feeding on one’s empathy.

Political correctness

Being considerate and polite is one thing, being politically correct is another (and dumb). Accept the fact that one is responsible for his own feelings. That fact does not excuse you for being an asshole but it does not render your “guilty” if somebody felt “offended” by your sincere thoughts. How one feels is one’s responsibility. Sans having a disease or being in a torture chamber.

Power distribution

Learn what is the power distribution within the organization. Few people have the final call – learn who they are.

Not a Mother not a Father

Do not fight for others unless others are already fighting for themselves. Don’t misplace your organizational skills, assume unwanted and uncalled for leadership functions. If you do – ensure there are a lot of people who support you with their actions not with just words. Otherwise you set yourself for failure.

Don’t be a slacker

World is full with slackers and it does not need more. Those people are either passive or active burden. They either do not work or they hamper the work. The number of slackers is one of the ways to judge about how healthy a given business is.

You are just a data entry

Never, ever forget this one. As great as things could be, tomorrow the business would be sold or it can go down due bad strategic decisions. In either case you’d be fucked.

Overstaying your welcome

Don’t. When it is time to leave – leave. Unless you can get some benefit from overstaying your welcome (rarely the case) do not even consider it. It is not worth it. Trust your guts in that regard. There’s a fine line between wanting to quit and knowing it is time to move on.

Respond in time

Always. If somebody reaches out – respond. Show that you have acknowledged the message. This does not mean to give up on what you are doing and shift focus. By responding you are not committing to anything, you are just saying “Hey, I got your message.”. Remember that most people do not have more than just basic communication culture, let alone a functional one when it comes to online interactions.

Reciprocate

If somebody went out if his way to help you – help that person. Be there for him. Setup positive feedback loop where both of you watch your backs and help one another. If somebody, for no good reason, ignores you on a regular basis – “prioritize” that person. Don’t feel obligated to do anything.

Teaching and convincing

Nobody can ever teach or convince anyone else unless the other party wants to be. Do not forget this. It will save you a lot of trouble and wasted time and attention. Usually two attempts are enough. People either get things from the 2nd time or they rarely do at all. Engage in friendly arguments but only when there’s a mutual understanding about the goal, and the goal is just one – together to figure out the best decision given the circumstances and goals.

Don’t be an asshole

It is okay to hate, despise, think about “revenge”, have dark thoughts – but it is not okay to act on those. Don’t allow yourself to become an asshole. There are enough assholes and once an asshole – it’s hard to undo the state. The older you get, the harder that undo would be.

Office politics, backstabbing, intrigues

Stay the fuck away from those. Never ever participate in such and fight the desire to. Those not only hurt people, they are one of the properties for toxic environments.

Smartest person in the room

Hope you are not the one and pray for the one who is.

Meaningless interactions

Avoid meaningless interactions. Meetings, conversations, arguments that bare no fruit are meaningless by definition. Avoid those, ideally ignore them and in the worst case scenario do not pay any attention to. They do not provide for anything but noise and data pollution.

Listen more, talk less

Our society has too many talkers and too few listeners. Everybody wants to find somebody who will listen but few are willing to provide their ears. Listen first, talk second. Then you can draw conclusions and decide.

Speak your own mind

Either speak it out, loud and clear or don’t speak at all. Don’t be afraid to be honest and candid. If the work environment “frowns” upon that – quit. You’ll thank yourself later.

Peer pressure

Resist it. Remember you are responsible and accountable for your own actions. Let others do whatever they do, let yourself do what you believe is right. Advancement and innovation happen because somebody chooses not to be a follower, sheep, monkey.

Change

You can’t stop it, you can’t change it. All you can do is accept it. Don’t resist it, don’t fight it. Prepare for it. Make it your ally, appreciate it. Take advantage of it, ride and enjoy it. Resistance to change is futile but sadly, inevitable.

Learn to accept

Accept things as they are. It’s easy to become wishful, hopeful and romantic but when reality hits, and reality always hits – it would hit harder than it should.

Compromises & sacrifices

Every now and then you may have to do something extra, something you do not wish to do, something that bothers you. Be exceedingly careful in such situations. Whatever choice you make, ensure you know exactly and precisely why you are (not) making it. Do not allow yourself to whine and bitch about your own choices. Freedom of choice demands responsibility and accountability.

Silent quitting

There’s no such thing. You either do what you are hired to or you don’t. You either work or you don’t. You do something more or don’t. Silent quitting is pure bullshit, just a nice expression describing people that did a lot of overtime, going the “extra mile”, “above and beyond” put their work first and “played ball” only to find themselves cheated and taken advantage of.